In the clearing...

It was never a question of morals; as there would never be refuge for a restless mind like his. An unwavering dedication to details; he had logged his last thirty eight hours. Each minute detail underlined and highlighted; a tenderness permeating from the tea stained page. Each distinct word spoke loudly of his foreshadowed fate. It is in times like these, that I find myself running back to the year 1995. Reminded of the peculiar way in which we lived our lives, and how we were only then beginning to understand ourselves by way of one another. How easily we were moved to tarnish and feather others for misdeeds that were pale in comparison to our own, and this knowledge of our own abhorrent nature; we became too consumed by one another. The very structure of our lives was no longer enough to suit our moods, and so our hearts grew weary, and we began to withdraw from one another. In the end, he had convinced himself that only by way of his death could he make up for all of his sins. He could have written the handbook on the topic of self sacrifice, his own heart feasting on itself each and every night. There are only stolen moments now that exist for us; these fervent kisses that barely brush the surface of my life. There had been this crevice of solitude that we were both so diligently chipping away at; the firm belief that eventually this gulf between us would one day recede and our lives would meld back into one uniform mass. A precious landscape that only our feet would ever tread upon; a new language would be born. This dialogue will never be rejoiced in; for it now falls upon deaf ears, but within my dreaming imagery he is still very much alive and he is all mine. Some may refer to this as a burden of hearts, but by tucking him ever so deeply in the heart of me I am keeping that precious part of us safe, the part that only we ourselves knew of, the part that now resides in my memory alone. Because when I die, we will meet again, and in the clearing I know he'll be wearing his young again smile.